Every time…
Every time I die in one of those dimensions…
Every time I come back… Those first few seconds, they…
They’re spent re-living- No. No, re-remembering my memories of the life I’d just lived.
And I just…
I guess the First Nav was… “the straw that broke the camel’s back,” I guess? ‘Cause…
Or maybe it’d be better to call it the “trigger.” ‘Cause…
Because I hadn’t- no. No, I had.
I’d been planning on doing this. Or… It felt that way…?
Maybe it was a decision I kept coming to while in other worlds?
… It must have been. Because I don’t remember coming to it consciously, but it was definitely a decision I must have come to at some point.
…
I… I just wanted to see if it-
… No. That’s a lie.
-I mean. Who would turn down a chance at paradise?! I HAD that!
And all those worlds… It just… It wasn’t FAIR, DAMMIT!!!
IF THERE REALLY WERE AN INFINITE NUMBER OF VARIATIONS OF THE SAME WORLD, OF EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF A WORLD ANYONE COULD EVER DREAM UP, THEN…!!!
Then…
Then why couldn’t I? … Right?!
‘Cause… After I’d figured out how to navigate- how to choose…
What was stopping me?!
…
One thing. There was ONE other thing stopping me.
I’m a demon-eater.
“Demonic” energy.
What that means. Is. Well… surprisingly easy to explain in this world.
It’s “unhealthy.”
… That’s it.
I have to absorb unhealthy energy to survive.
And a paradise, by definition, doesn’t have any. And isn’t the idea of that beautiful?
I learned quickly, during my first few travels, that the Crossroad gives the Keeper a new material body and a new prizmal one — but NOT a new spirit.
I had to learn the difference; that, while one’s prizmal body is part of their spirit, the reverse is not true. My new prizmal bodies might have been new containers for my spirit — with new limbs, abilities, and even needs…
But my demon-eater nature was part of my spirit.
And I didn’t want to admit that. If I did, then…
…
I told myself: “I just haven’t found the right one, yet. Eventually, if I look enough, I’ll find a Place, a dimension, a world- where I won’t need to absorb demonic energy anymore! I’ll find my Paradise — and I’ll live in those worlds forever!”
… I came close, several times.
Found worlds where there didn’t seem to be any demonic energy.
-Except I’d find it, somehow.
Would draw it out. Make people who’d never experienced anything Bad like that go through suffering for the first time —
— OR WORSE.
…
I’ll tell you about The One Time…
… It Was Worse.
…
And yeah. Only once.
In a situation where I have only the barest summary of my memories — where I could live multiple, FULL lives, and think they were nothing more than hallucinations — I only needed to experience this ONCE…
To decide not to look for “paradise” anymore.
…
I…
…
I’m sorry this is getting so dark.
But… This is something you need to understand about me. Why, out of everything, THIS is my greatest fear.
So…
Please, just…
… Please keep reading. I promise it gets better.
I swear, most of the stories I have of my travels are happy things. Pleasant ones. It’s just-
-I can’t tell them yet.
Not really.
Not until I tell this one first.
So, I’m sorry but…
Please keep reading…?
Crossroad of Infinity 
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